More Junk Food And Less Veggies
Dakota Howe, B.S. in Food and Nutrition
A groundbreaking study has shown that eating an excessive amount of junk food with added sugar and significantly cutting down on how many vegetables you eat is the way to go. All our lives we have had it etched into our brains to “eat less candy and more veggies" by our parents and doctors. As a little kid you couldn't leave the dinner table until you finished all the broccoli on your plate because of how "healthy" it was for you. But contrary to what was once believed, we are now finding out that it is extremely beneficial to consume at least 8 servings of junk food and to strictly limit vegetable intake on a daily basis1.
Look at all those nutrients! Yum...
We all know that vegetables are full of fiber and we have always been told the more fiber the better, right? Wrong! Researchers are now discovering that the fibers found in vegetables are actually too rough on the gastrointestinal tract in humans, causing more harm than good within the body. Specifically, excess fiber can lead to a newly discovered disease called excessfiberitis which causes "icky tummy aches" (yes, thats the technical scientific term).2 Vegetables also come from the ground and probably contain a lot of dirt and other gross stuff, so they should definitely be avoided. Remember the 5 second rule for whenever you dropped a piece of food on the ground? Well, vegetables stay in the ground for more than 5 seconds, so you should avoid them. It is best to just stay away from vegetables altogether. No veggies = no fiber + dirt from the soil = no problems.
Most veggies stay in the ground for more than 5 seconds - gross!
On the other hand, food thats mass produced in factories such as candies, cookies and chips come prepackaged with preservatives, added sugar and other additives that sanitize and sterilize the food, ultimately increasing their overall health benefits3. The one foolproof way that veggies have been proven to be “healthy” and safe to eat is if they are deep fried and sprinkled with a lot of added sugar. This is because deep frying kills off any unwanted bacteria and pesticides found on the outer skin and added sugar is a really important nutrient to have, especially in excess. So, you know what that means…bring on the French fries and onion rings covered in maple syrup4! In conclusion, the take home message is to eat less veggies and more junk food, and if you can’t seem to give up vegetables just yet, be sure to consume them in moderation via deep frying.
Lettuce and marshmallow stuffed empanadas! Doesn't that look healthy?
As hard to believe as it may be, all the claims about veggies being unhealthy for you were completely false and merely a joke…Happy April Fool’s! There is absolutely no evidence that our claims above are backed by research (check out our funny sources)! This article goes to show just how easy it is for people to make false health claims on the internet if you aren't informed. Remember to always use credible and reliable sources (unlike our made up ones) and to double check your facts, because who knows what could come out next on the internet…someone may try to convince you of something as crazy as vegetables not being good for you!
Happy April Fool’s Day!
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